What to respond or not to repond to people who have shockingly bad manners has been one of my primary struggles since being disabled by a speeding commercial truck driver who ran a light 12 years ago (and yes, I was in a car but it did not survive the collision). I have found that the type of humor I was able to previouly employ as an athlete and coach is not "accepted" when it comes from people with disabilities. One day I responded to a stranger who kept pestering me that what was "wrong" with me was apparently that I attracted rude stranger who felt they could ask me impertinent questions. However, it seems that people who actually ask "What's wrong with you?" or "Why can't you climb stairs?" are generally the type who think they are "insulted" if a disabled person doesn't accommodate their rudeness.

My friends who have been disabled their entire lives are much more tolerant of these types of intrusions, but often they tell me it's just because they don't intend for people to behave better.

I've learned from some of them to say things in a way to help bridge the gap and say something that might be enlightening for those who might be willing to see things from a different perspective, but I don't think that I will ever have their tolerance for the ones who are merely curious and don't seem to think disabled people are human enough to require normal common courtesy.

I just cannot think how someone would think it's okay to comment to a stranger about their personal appearance, whether it has to do with a disability or anything else. I can't understand this perspective, and still wish that I had some better way to respond.

I appreciate this blog because it helps me to create a better response system.

@Smiffy, there is a third option for some wheelchair users: use a wheelchair and be safe, pain free, be able to clip along at a good pace, and keep going all day long…or walk, and risk falling, be in pain, hobble at a snail's pace and not be able to go very far. Many people are so convinced that wheelchair=bad that they'd prefer walking anyway. I can walk still, but my wheelchair gives me freedom to do so much more!

@Tomasz - I agree, put the onus on the idiot business owners who choose not to make their businesses accessible.

Each person tends to have their own preference. But in the example you give, I would tend to say "Monica is going to be in trouble because the theater isn't accessible".

I don't think you're ignorant, you pointed out the reason right there: putting the onus on the barrier rather than the person facing the barrier.

Interesting article. So, what is the preferred language?

"Monica is not wheelchair bound, Monica uses a wheelchair"

When discussing accessibility, is saying "Monica will have a hard time getting to the theater because she is in a wheelchair," bad, because it blames Monica for the lack of accommodations?

Is it better to say, "Monica will have a hard time because the theater does not accommodate wheelchairs" because this puts the onus for the lack of access on the theater?

I hope you will pardon my ignorance. What are you thoughts on this?